Alternate Living: Let Go And Be Happily Sorted

I visited a cousin in Tamilnadu in the first week of December during my recent trip to Bangalore. As I live in the outskirts whenever I go to the Garden City, a couple of buses from there take me to Tamilnadu within two hours

My cousin had shifted to her new abode in the last week of November and was still amidst cartons – unpacking, cleaning, unwrapping. As I stood there watching two helpers sort things for them who were generously tipped by a packed set of new glass bowls, by the end of the Herculean task, I smiled.

The bowl set traveled all the way through packers and movers to land as a gift in a helper’s hand in Tamilnadu. The point I am trying to make is my cousin never used it, never needed it and did not let go of it before shifting

They moved four wardrobes – That was beyond me because they have multiple homes in different cities. They could choose to keep the books, some furnishing and clothes back in one of the homes.

I am big fan of Marie Condo. Though I have not mastered the art and practice of Kon Mari, I never a miss a chance to tell people – Let Go!!

Let Go

When I was asked how do I let go of old stuff – I give away to people who need it. It is that simple. This is not generosity or any status symbol. The receiver is doing me a huge favor, almost life-saving favor by using my stuff.

There are many memories attached, hard earned money used to buy, immense energy invested in things we buy and when you no longer need, it is really hard to just throw it away.

It is very satisfying experience for me to pick a day in a month to de-clutter, simplify and organize my home.

Papers accumulate

Clothes pile up

How to begin:

Room by room approach

Closet by Closet

Category by category

Little by little

I am still guilty of having four televisions - One locked in a suitcase, one needs a check from technician.

This lifestyle phenomenon lets you keep items that spark joy while you enjoy a clean and tidy home by downsizing. The impact of de-cluttering is manifold. It is not just about tidying up external space because in the process, you tend to train your unruly mind, be calm, at peace and motivated which has ripple effect on others as your calmness can be truly inspiring.

When I am burnt out and need to unwind, I forget everything and wipe the floor. Keeping my hands busy helps my mind find stillness.

Read more about Kon Mari and Marie Condo for your regular doze of inspiration to let go and be happily sorted.

Alternate Living: Reaching Kolkata Airport By Spending Less Than Thirty Rupees.

It was fully sponsored – flight, accommodation, food and training. I am still proud of my campaign idea though I am yet to launch the petition due to pending research. The hour long drilling to transfer my conviction about the idea to the organizers was a great learning too as it shaped my thinking and fine-tuned the idea with sharper precision.

My family insisted I arrange for rental car or cab to reach airport for the morning flight to Bangalore.

“Yeah right” I whispered to myself. The last time I booked rental car was to attend a wedding alone in South Kolkata. Wearing a Sari cost me INR 1200/- that day. When the driver offered to switch on the AC, I politely stopped him to let the natural breeze in (Read to save INR 200/-).  In my usual wear, I could have managed the wedding using Metro train for just hundred bucks. My family had insisted then that I book the car as it will be late to return home from the other side of Kolkata. “Ok fine!!” I agreed reluctantly.

Not this time, for sure!

The minute the rental car guy hears “Airport”, he has an almost automated response: INR 1400. He will add immediately “We are not Ola or Uber which means the car is all yours for that hour, as if it is manufactured only for you, pure and untouched”. Regardless of how many times you have used his services in the past, Airport drop charges are fixed and inscribed in stone. 

Well Dude, that’s the amount I spend to go to Bangalore by Howrah express and be back home in Sleeper Class. So “Forget it!”

I have an aunt staying a few kilometers away from Dumdum Airport and I visit her often as she is all by herself. Her daughters are married outside the city or country, couple of them fighting serious illnesses, living their routine measured lives or moved to greener pastures for livelihood or luxury or whatever. Every second week I get SOS from her, that she needs me to go to the bank, or visit her ill daughter or just spend time with her. I often oblige.

The point is, if I can go to her house every three weeks using public transport, why do I need a car to transverse a distance that is couple of kilometers closer?

My logic did not register in their minds. Now my family started throwing reasons at me, why I should book a cab?

I had luggage with me and I will not be able to manage

How many of you consider a laptop bag luggage? One bag with wheels is not called luggage if it has just six dresses in it, a few gift items (Sari, stole etc.) and a flat water bottle (May be a few papers and a book)

I am likely to face traffic

Right, that’s a valid point. I chose to avoid the road and opted to go to Dumdum by train which is 20 minutes ride from our station. My rationale fell flat and did not appeal to them when I said, that I can face traffic even in car. Early mornings are seriously not that terrible, I know that.

How can I manage alone because I am not a regular by local train now? How can I deal with the crowd?

My sister wanted to join me to help me with my “Luggage” in train.  She had office to attend after dropping me in Dumdum. “Seriously No” I said firmly.

So finally, how did I go?

A Toto to station cost me INR 10/-

The train ticket to Dumdum station cost me INR 5/-

(The local train arrived around 6 AM and was empty. I got a corner seat and happily managed)

A shuttle auto to Nager bazaar for INR 7/-

Another shuttle auto to Airport Gate Number 1 for INR 7/-

The Auto driver first proposed that I take a rickshaw to reach Airport entrance, and then almost immediately he discarded the idea and said, the rickshaw is allowed till a particular point after which I had to walk. So he recommended I just walk adjacent to the flyover for five minutes.

Just a five minute walk at 7:00 AM is doable because I walk twenty minutes every evening. And as I walked past the garage, waited for the escalator, I had the fodder for this blog - Too many people worry about Airport pickups and drops. I am hoping this blog will put some of it to rest.

So how good is your Mathematics? What does this total up to?

When I was back to Kolkata, the flight was late by an hour and I wasted a few extra minutes at the conveyor belt.

1.     5 Minute walk to Bus stop

2.     Bus fare INR 14 to Barasat

3.     Bus fare INR 11 to my residence

And for those of you keen to know how I managed to go home from Bangalore Airport, well that’s for another blog!

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To mitigate risk factors and ensure lifelong brain health, we publish blogs, stories on any one of the following themes. So if you think any blog is not relevant to Dementia or Alzheimer, you can see connect to one of these, for sure. Do you have a personal story to share?

Regular Physical/ Mental exerciseSocial EngagementHealthy Diet and HabitsMental StimulationAdequate and quality sleepStress Management

I, dad and Tagore

Today is Rabindra Jayanti and this brings back so many memories.

I was seven, when I thought I had written my first poem.

It actually was just a line – Robi tumi Kobi (Robi, you are a poet) – I did not know then, that I was just stating the obvious, something the whole world already knew. My young brain thought differently - How can people miss the rhyme? Rhyming is a key component of poem.

I remember showing that line to everyone in the family, fishing for compliments, particularly waiting for appreciation from my father who had a great collection of Tagore’s music.

My father was a poet. I read his ramblings.

After that one line, I had written many more on different occasions. My family tolerated my scribbles particularly the ones I wrote in colloquial Bengali. Tagore must have twisted in his grave.

Honestly I was personally not a big fan of my own poems though and soon realized when something disturbed me I found poems as an easy outlet. That was it. So it was nothing profound for the world – just a mental release. This arrangement worked well for many years till I finally realized, I can try and weave stories which people can read and like however I seriously do not quite have the depth for poems at all.

I and dad watched Mushairas regularly. I attempted singing the songs from a Bengali Movie “Dadar Kirti”. The point I am trying to make is we grew up with these little nothings around Tagore, love for poems, his music, his life, his personality and looking for meaning in poems of other languages – Hindi, Urdu and English.

This blog is not supposed to be a diary entry with a long story on “Me” and my “Memories”. This blog has a definite point to make.

I have quit corporate roughly five years back and when I was asked today by a friend, “What are your retirement plans?” I had to emphasize “I am retired”

Retired to do what, if one may ask - to live

Do we even know while we are busy making a living, something called life quietly passes

Why have your poems dried up?

Where are the stories and why are they lost?

Because the world is busy earning their livelihood, without the faintest clue how much they need to live, even if they live till ninety, even with medication requirements, even with building contingency funds, even with annual vacations, even with inflation, even with growing responsibilities.

Once we know that figure, we can retire – mentally first, then physically or get ready for second innings, more grandiose plans to leave legacy or work for greater good.

Here is one of Tagore's quote to remind you

You can't cross the sea merely by standing and staring at the water

If you think, the time is now to live, then pause, reflect, take charge, change directions, make critical lifestyle choices, manage priorities and give life a chance.

Can you do that merely by staring at the whirlwind called life?

Here is one more line from Tagore to get you to act

I slept and dreamt that life was joy. I awoke and saw that life was service. I acted and behold, service was joy

Lifestyle choices: The Financial Bit.

The following is an excerpt of a mail I sent to my cousin sister in response to an article she sent me on investment:

In my early twenties, I used to read a magazine called Investors that kind of shaped my thinking - I never believed in long term FDs because inflation neutralizes the marginal gain and short terms are just plain useless.

Now I focus on vital few (invest in a project or two) instead of trivial many (paper assets, properties, insurance etc)- a disciplined and structured pursuit to live with less. I may have reasonably high financial goals for the next decade, not in a competitive way but a collaborative way working with my tribe, and "savings" has no role to play here.

Savings/ FDs never made a person rich by experience or wealthy by currency. Something saved for a rainy day, often gets spent on a rainy day.

Our factory model education system (That is linear and based on conformity) is zero on financial literacy. The generation today, don't even know how much they want, why they want - It is more about external validation and social acceptance. They understand net worth and the Forbes list, however clueless about self worth. I did not intend to react about the article with a "Me" thing or generalizing a generation - An economy is not just about government, it is about individual thinking. How can thinking evolve if education is all about pursuits, scores, degrees and failed parenting strategies?

If youth today, think of solving an issue, addressing a cause, be a global citizen instead of studying for a job or a pay check, they will not talk savings, but assets that appreciates - The whole world is their market - they bring home dollars. They will not talk about retirement benefits, but about leaving a huge legacy long after they are gone.

The topic "Savings" is a favorite pass time for many from our generation because they do not quiet understand anything else, like investing 1/10th their money in someone's business that can fetch them returns in a year (Angel Investors) - So what most people think is the safest investment FD is actually the weakest link in their financial landscape and sole dependence on that can be disastrous.

I am going to leave you all with two questions:

1] Do you know or have any idea, exactly how much you need to earn to live happily ever after? 

2] Do you think the reason why you are working so hard, is because you do not know how much you  actually need?

Gender Equality: Myths and Truths

Recently during a phone conversation with my cousin, when I asked him to visit us, he abruptly told he hardly has time to visit relatives because at times he is working on Sundays too.

His wife is over forty, a graduate and she sings well. That is it.

She never did a job, never tried for one and never wanted to do one. She felt extremely useful doing the domestic chores, which ideally should have been outsourced to a maid (to siphon some money from those who have to those who do not have as much as you do). I think that makes perfect sense.

Why would someone want to graduate if they had no intention of using it anywhere during their lifetime, not even to teach your own kids? My cousin’s son has tutors. The lady of the house, as far as I know has one permanent duty – To take her son on a rickshaw to the tutors and back home (Notice, I said rickshaw who again gets paid by my cousin’s earnings)

I tried to kindle some spark and some hope because there are so many online opportunities today for stay at home moms. His wife can easily try earning from any one of those to ease the pressure on my cousin from being solo provider. Now my cousin, quick to defend, started nagging about how his wife also lacks time to engage in something new.

He is 54 and he has no plans of retiring any time soon. He sold his two storied independent house to buy a flat near the railway station so that availing local trains become easier to reach his work place. I asked him why one earth does he want a flat near the station when he is likely to retire in a few years.

His response kind of shocked me – “I can work till I am seventy” or something on those lines. Of course one can work till he is ninety however why would he want to continue the same hardships, hustling in a train. His plan to travel by local train even when he is seventy is what shocked me.

Key Takeaway: Dinosaur mindsets

End of Scene 1

Eye candy

Brainless trophy wife

Arm candy

Brainless beauties

Look good and stay quite

Who are they?

Do they choose to be that?

Did they ever have personalities of their own?

Could they be professional achievers?

Do they naturally drift towards social causes because they are genuinely concerned or because that’s easiest route to fame?

Do they have soul searching moments regarding purpose of life?

Did they really sacrifice their careers or are they just not career material?

Are they just hot, fashionable, trendy and highly insecure about their twitter and Instagram followers?

Are they highly educated or at least self-assured?

Can she hold her own financially?

Do they make good money?

Could they be in positions of power?

Is it just the bedroom or the boardroom?

Can she have a high paying career?

Do they take up a hobby or two every spring?

Are they docile helpmates or ambitious achievers?

I have known people who talk and write about women empowerment and yet when the time comes to choose career moves – say a transfer to a new city, it is the woman who quits her job to facilitate husband’s ambitious transfer.

End of Scene 2

I am labeled a feminist not because I am single or because my friends, regardless of gender, have always cooked in my apartment. They qualified to use my kitchen not because of their gender, but because of their ability to have a full meal ready for a large group.

The label comes because of blogs like these.

I am labeled ambitious because I happily chose to be single and most people I know believe I chose career to marriage. Yeah Right, that is why I retired at 42 quitting my job of 11 years without much thought. Independence matters, nothing else. Confinement does not define me. Suspend judgment and let choices breathe some air please.

I chose to earn my bread, build my humble abode, travel in a budget, buy a low end car and live my life. I worked hard for many years to earn each of these.

And many out there chose to be fed, live in a mansion inherited by spouse, be trendy and fashionable while rearing kids, learn Salsa and Spanish while ordering the maid to cook Continental and yet this lot is considered less ambitious because they chose a life without a career.

How ambitious is it to cross your feet and have food for years together that someone else earns for you? How ambitious is it to squander money on shopping and travel using someone’s hard earned income?

Key Takeaway: Brains are the new beauty and the new gender

The challenge today is not the inherent bias we observe towards gender but when the woman consciously chooses to take a back seat with a mindset that sets disastrous examples for the next generation and the man chooses to defend such a move.

One’s lifestyle choices is a derivative of how you think, what you think of others who toil for you, how sensitive you are of other’s well-being, how much importance you give to people’s opinion, your self-esteem and most important your personal sense of self -worth.

I will leave readers thinking about my cousin who plans to continue working for the next 15 years and the level of stress he is likely to be exposed to in future

And my non ambitious counter part, who choose not to earn or support in this responsibility to provide for family - both financial and non-financially because that decision is deliberate, circumstances manufactured for personal convenience/ defense and absolutely parasitic in nature. 

Write to ramosara.foundation@gmail.com about experiences you want to share regarding alternate living to create awareness about lifestyle choices.

Important Update 29th April - One brain stroke on 22nd April and I lost my cousin this week.