Last night, at 22:21

I stared at his face book for more than an hour seeing all his photographs, paintings and reading all his earlier comments

I have not spoken to him for years

I have met him in person, a few times

A great guy and his personality – Painter, writer, and restaurateur intrigued many

His witty one liner saved others from blues

Miles away from home, in a different country I first knew about his existence through a common friend when she showed me a gift he had given her - A Bible.

Humane!! 

Last night, she calls me at 22:21 to say he is gone – Just like that.

Early forties, lung infection and a massive heart attack!

His friends are still pouring messages on his timeline. I am reading them and will continue to read them, long after the messages stop and people get on with their lives.

The lonely war most people fight,

Stress

Infection

Depression

Financial crisis

Throttled aspirations

Death of a near one

Negligence

Chronic health issues

Mental Health

Mild addiction

Weak immunity

Lifestyle choices

I seriously do not want to end this blog with sermons, one big take away message or global gyan.

Re-look at your lifestyles. Get out of that predictable flow chart (Over work week and over indulgence weekend) and aggressive pursuits that is leading to a place called "Nowhere"

Take charge. 

Seek help. 

Live!!

It takes a lot of choking to go through timelines at moments like these. More power to the family. More strength to us, who are left behind to deal with these abrupt and irreparable losses.

The Perfect Disconnect

What do we normally see?

The high profile corporate executive and his trophy wife – The wife who quits her job and gets into permanent hibernation mode after the child was born, pops up in social media sites with new pursuits – the Zumba or Salsa, the Spanish or French, the trekking or yoga, the bakery and the embroidery, seriously whatever – How does that matter? I often wondered, how can they hibernate work wise and be so active other wise?

Whether the pursuits are meaningful or meaningless depend on what they do with it –if at all, there is any further thought beyond the two month learning plan? If it is just an experience driven exercise, they should try fishing. This hobby at least enhances concentration, attention and focus. No wonder it is a rich man’s sport because ordinary mortals who work for a living can never have that kind of focus, with our gadgets, our habits, our dependence, our anxiety levels and our lifestyles. 

We also see the working super woman who cooks, helps the kids do their homework, pays the bill, takes care of in-laws and that drunken husband (Ok fine, lets us not get super dramatic here) - The average husband with an average pay who is comfortable to be ambitious based on collective earnings – The typical income – expense mind set, the standard consumerism and the predictable life style.

Biology taught us something important – parasitic and symbiotic life. One is the provider and the other dependent. You do not really need Einstein’s intelligence to figure who is who here in the above cases.

Pause, reflect and ask yourself – what are you?

Then I get a chance to know a near perfect pair in their early fifties. Both are creative, well read, spiritual, loves dogs, solitude, simple life style, miles away from regular job, commuting, travel, social life, face book, living in a mud house, use bits and pieces (infrastructure and experiences) to make that house their home. They both love it.

What we normally don’t see?

That is an alternative living model. A conscious choice

A life that is not full of meaningless pursuits, that does not conform to social norms or people’s expectations

A Beautiful Lake Just Outside The Couple's House

A life that is not marked with travel plans, family gatherings, frequent dine-outs or even raising kids

That Wild Garden , that beautiful art on the wall, those colored pieces on those pillars - that's his work!

A life that is spent reading, sewing, painting, feeding the birds, calling someone to have lunch, visiting an ailing friend, a day in their orchard or just cleaning their own house.

And that's her work - A creative cover page for an Art Journal that she made to gift a child

What a perfect disconnect to stay fully connected with life!!

If you have anything interesting to share on lifestyle choices, do write to us and we will be glad to publish it here.

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Mindsets: Own it Up

I was in my apartment in Bangalore suburbs, miles away from the city, cozy and comfortable, with neighbors – waiting to cut the cake to welcome New Year and wish each other.

In the other corner of the city something else was going on.

We discussed. We analysed. We blamed. 

Is this due to male chauvinism?

Is this due to low self esteem?

Is this due to identity crisis?

Is this just show of power?

Is this poor upbringing? 

Is it lifestyle choices?

OR 

Is this just failed parental strategy?

How do parents bring up their boys?

They don’t raise them to assault 

They don’t raise them to raise their voices either

They don’t raise them to take stand

They don’t raise them to defend the right

They don’t raise them to own up what they did – good or bad

They don’t tell them about soul intelligence

They don’t build their faith

Do they let ethics, moral standards and values be practiced?

Do they set the right examples?

Do they nurture their esteem or ego?

On my father's death anniversary a couple of months back, my neighbor and her teen age daughter came to our house, after she was back from B-School, around seven in the night. Her mother asked me politely where my father's photograph was placed. I took them to our God's room. The young girl lit an incense stick in front of him and I watched - how she prayed for his blessings - that sincerity was so human, so real, so genuine.

I just happened to mention about dad's death anniversary when we were in the market the previous day as I did not buy chicken. My neighbor remembered that, told her daughter and what followed after that is for everyone to read.

I believe 90% people care. They do everything right. That 10% who don't do it right, make those headlines either for their own actions or for their spiritually distraught children.

Who will own it up? Whose responsibility is it to build that mindset to own up? 

Joy of sharing

Image Credit: Canva Design

I had my usual plans on my wife’s birthday – a royal treat and a memorable gift. What I was not aware of is - my lady had very different plans this year. To my surprise, she thanked me when I proposed my idea of celebration and politely declined to be part of my usual plan.

We were only too thrilled when she suggested she wanted to celebrate her birthday, this year with orphan children. It is such a simple gesture and yet it was never done before until she came up with that idea. I was stunned and seriously, happy

She had been contemplating on this for quite some time, planned every bit of it and had taken approval from the NGO for this celebration.

So on 20^th April - I, my wife Ranjana and my daughter Garima went to this orphanage that was home for 30 children of different ages.

It is beyond words to express the feeling we shared with these children - moments captured with joy and teary eyes. Ranjana told the children that it was not her birthday but their birthday – each one of them.

We got the cake cut by a little girl first and then each one present there cut the same cake wishing Happy Birthday to one another.

This was followed by snacks, juice, gifts etc. Ranjana sat among the children enjoying her snacks with them. I watched her – She looked blissfully happy.

What is important to mention here is – Each child waited will the last one got his plate served, to begin their gratitude prayers - Thanking God for the food offered to them.

That gesture had a lasting impact on me. I couldn’t hold my tears as I saw these well-mannered children, take little bites of their snacks.

I was trying to read their faces and smiles - They were happy and enjoying every moment.

Now the real entertainment started when we were asked by the children to dance on Bollywood and Tollywood tunes. As the music took momentum, slowly one by one all started to get up and rocked the floor. Everyone was in full mood and we saw some amazing dance performance by these children – My wife and daughter were dancing too.

Finally it was time to say goodbye to children. Life has to go on.

We wished the children good luck. While returning back home Ranjana told that this was the best birthday celebration she ever had. I could see the calmness in her, fully satisfied.

We thanked her for this thought and making us a part of it. I whispered to myself – Unconsciously what a great example this day was for my daughter!!

There is no better feeling than joy of sharing.

For Author Pradeep Bhutoria's Profile Click Here

Is It Time To Take U Turn?

Infographic Credit: RSF Admin

Do you see yourself doing the same thing ten years from now?  Yes? No? Not sure?

You will be definitely be doing the same thing, unless you think something different now.

We are what we think

All that we are arises

With our thoughts

With our thoughts

We make our world

- THE BUDDHA

What is the single most important thought that you have lived for all these years - You! 

Can that thought change now?

Doing our bit...

I have used company transportation to commute to office during my corporate days in Bangalore for approximately a decade. 

I used my car when I had to take my parents out, particularly my father. After his attack, way back in 2001, he seemed a little feeble and fragile and so we avoided bus. My mother, on the other hand, likes long bus rides just like me. Give her a window seat; she will wear her collar (Spondylitis) and happily enjoy the trip.

For me, my car was just a temporary need, like my washing machine or the geyser. It bothered me to see people drive 30 – 40 kms every day to reach office, or when someone needs a car even to pick grocery or vegetables, though the shop is just 2 - 3 kms away from home and mostly offer home delivery.

I actually faced real Bangalore traffic when I had to come to office from my village home, after I moved to the outskirts in 2012. Before that, for ten years my old home was just 3 kms away from my office. It was ridiculous to see dozens of cars near Silk Board, Hosa Road with just the owner driving and their laptop bag in the side seat or back seat. 

Don’t they seriously realize they are solely responsible for traffic, pollution, environment hazards and health concerns? When I see many women, use stoles to cover head and filter the air they breathe using the same stole, it immediately makes me wonder about children who are exposed to this, on a daily basis.

A little inconvenience in public transport, a little sweat, a little planning to car-pool, a little waiting for bus or a little early departure from home to reach on time, an occasional bus ride at least once in a while, can actually create a huge difference.

I lost my father in 2011 and since then I hardly need the car. It still stands majestically, in the parking space, more as a memory of what I had bought it for in the first place – to take care of someone. 

That age old question beaten to death in multiple forums still needs attention - Are we not responsible to take care of future generation?

It is only when most of us start using public transport will the authorities take into consideration the potential revenues it can generate and make it better to accommodate more and build quality standards around public transport.

It was great to read about Nandan Nilekani, former CEO of Infosys using a bus on 4^th March this year – doing his bit. I immediately subscribed to his website to know more.

I am doing my bit too.

Are you? Will you?

Author Profile

P.S – My car is chauffeur driven as I cannot drive, which gives me the solace that the few times I take out my car, some hard working guy is making an extra buck for his family - that is great guilt neutralizer actually:)

How Many Rich Contacts Do You Have?

Based on the above parameters, many!

Just that, we need different kind of rich people for our foundation

Do you know anyone who.........

Mostly uses public transportation to conserve petrol and save environment from pollution and occasionally takes out his car for the comfort of others?

Makes a random auto driver’s day bright with one round about trip during an Indian festival as a means to pay him bonus?

Quit using leather jackets, bags and upholstery as a way of life?

Explored culturally rich India, before making foreign tourism rich and siphoning revenue to other countries?

Returned to India or native town with an intention to do something for others?

Believes in relationships and nurturing them, rather than using them as numbers in invite list and audience in social landscape.

Bothers to pick a puppy from the drain, though he hates dogs?

Inspires others to follow his gradual inward evolution more than his materialistic accomplishments.

We need THEM. Please contact to know more