It is my birthday, today.

An old school friend called me from Bangalore today. She recently lost her mother and I could not muster courage to call her when I first learnt about it from other sources.

Today, when she called and we got chatting about how the last few days were – the vacuum this loss created in their lives, way forward and old memories

Slowly we drifted to other topics - education, values, charity, her children, corporate life and something that caught my attention was when she said, 

“We will lose many people (she quoted a percentage, which I am unable to recall now) from this area in the next few years because mostly retired people stay here whose children are far away"

They are affluent, reasonably healthy and probably travel through technology to their children lives, every second day - the SKYPE, Watsapp and the Duo. It is not about money or convenience. 

How can only money help if a senior needs to visit the hospital for a regular check up and has to run around filling forms, or to different quarters for doctors, tests, reports and payments? 

The needs seem very simple and yet it is very crucial for the well being of this generation who are in their late sixties.

Someone to talk to

Some one who can escort to the hospital

My friend does this religiously - meeting seniors in her area on Saturdays just for a heart to heart chat. I almost choked when I tried to imagine the selflessness of the act and the impact it could possible have on these people.

We all have choices

We either get into that global gyan mode of sermonizing what their children could have done, how parents could have inculcated those values in them to take care of seniors or 

Just do our bit

What moved her to tears and gave me goose bumps was when she mentioned that one of her friends was having a walk early in the morning one day, when a senior person, called her and suddenly asked her to join her for lunch that day. 

"Why Aunty? What special today?"

The senior lady's answer to that question sums up her entire life and existence. How lonely she must be to call an almost stranger or a random acquaintance walking on the road for lunch - to give her company.

"It is my birthday, today"

Please promise us that you will try this with the senior neighbors and relatives, this Christmas.

Image Credit: Canva Design

You definitely do not want another lonely voice to ask you to join her/ him for lunch - just hoping for some company on a special day. 

To keep a senior's dignity intact, just reverse the role and call them instead.

Write to ramosara.foundation@gmail.com about experiences you want to share regarding senior living and dignified ageing to create awareness about lifestyle choices.

Today,

I Was Consciously Changing My Life Style, I Just Did Not Know This Had A Name

I watch a series of tiny houses on YouTube when I do not have pressing assignments, coaching or pending client orders. Click living big in tiny houses to know what I am talking about. My personal favorite being Ella's 82 sf flat in Tokyo. 

I write about alternate life styles in this blog though our Foundation primarily creates awareness on Dementia. I should be filling blog space here talking about Dementia.

How are the two related?

One can write about Dementia, what the patient goes through, what the care giver goes through once, twice, thrice. Then we are done. 

We can give our readers alarming statistics, therapies, talk about painful stories of lost memories. It is not quite enough today, to just consider post dementia measures as most of us know this is progressive in nature. 

Instead, we chose to talk about how not to ever reach that state, how to be proactive about prioritizing well being, healthy living, making the right lifestyle choices, getting out of that trap of ever growing consumerism

We opted to highlight pre-dementia scope - Quality life as the content agenda to serve that purpose.

1] Read - Keep brain active

2] Lifestyle choices
3] Yoga/ Meditate/ Walk
4] Consciously move to stress free life

The importance is exactly in the same order as listed here. Let me explain how these are interconnected:

1] If you are not reading enough, you really will not know what you are missing due to your 24/7 commitment to your one dimensional job or business; 

2] When you are unaware about what you are missing - the greater pleasures, you are so happy to be content with consumerism and materialism. No wonder you make no effort to change your lifestyle choices.

3] As you are preoccupied with materialistic achievements (Living standards), you are in that constant chase without realizing your daily compromises on basics (Life) - Health, relationships, time that is gone. Most average minded person kind of suffers an identity crisis socially without certain gadgets, assets and sense of belonging. 

The need of the hour is to pause, not run - rest your mind and feed it with seeds, not weeds. How can you realize this need if  you are in the whirlwind of habitual thought pattern - doing the same things day after day mindlessly - How can Yoga (Physical well being) or meditation (Spiritual well being) even begin?

4] If you are not conscious about what you are losing will you try to change it, move to an alternative life style?

Early retirement:

I retired from corporate life at forty two to travel, soul search, alternate life style, unlearning age old habits and this - create awareness on Dementia.

Frankly when I quit, the idea was just to take a break - nothing more fancy or ambitious. Just life. When I began to contemplate on alternative living options without returning to corporate  it made perfect sense to conclude - Being competitive is a thing of the past; Being collaborative is the new norm. More on this later. 

Here are a few life style choices I made in the past few years.

Living large in a tiny house:

In January this year, I moved from my Bangalore flat 

Image Credit: Personal (Bangalore Flat and Balcony View)

To my one bed room flat in Kolkata which is one fourth the size of my Bangalore apartment

Image Credit: Personal (Kolkata Flat and Layout)

I have a very cute balcony the size of a refrigerator in this tiny flat. I will click a photograph soon and upload here. That is my study/ meditation space/ nature time. It was open for the last 11 years. Just a month back I gave shape to it.

Transport

Last year, in July I had sold my car because I cannot use it in Kolkata. A friend asked me if I will buy one here, now that I have decided to settle in Kolkata.

The seat covers are still on, after 10 years
Chauffeur driven only 5200 kms. 

The caption of my car picture says it all. I cannot drive. I am quite happy to travel in public transport and rental cars. A friend of mine is developing a website which will be kind of a hub for drivers. When that is operational, I might just reconsider- till then, Hail Ola, Hail Rentals, Hail Uber, Hail Public Transport.

Frankly as I cater to my clients and students from home, I only need to travel through technology - SKYPE!!

Shopping 

If I picked seven dresses for an occasion, say Durga Puja this year (which I did) I made sure seven old ones were out of my wardrobe first. Those are gone and done with.

Learning with purpose

If I chose to do something new - be a retreat or tour leader or spa therapist, I do a plan that collaborates, instead of being competitive with existing players. Collaborative to the extent of allowing jobs for many others.

Hobby - Close to nature

If I chose to buy a farm land 12 years back, because I love growing my own veggies (Some day I will learn that end to end) - the thought was the same - Impact on environment and community.

Anekal, Bangalore

If I booked another plot in Kolkata last November, that is because I still hope to grow vegetables, teach English in the rural areas and enable youth to be global work force - Same thoughts: More than me. Beyond Me. 

Panpur, Kolkata

Coaching - Giving back 

If I chose to write a booklet, it was more to give access to people regarding online opportunities to impact their lives - financially and otherwise. Coaching which is an integral part of the book is two times learning, which keeps my brain cells active and lets many be part of this wonderful process of giving back what you learn in more ways than one.

Evening Walks

Apparently it looks like a casual walk that the body needs to be in shape. However that is actually my brain storming time. The most critical storyboards for my client's business or my student's learning map takes shape there.

Travel - Rejuvenate and Know

My travels and dine-outs, that is budgeted and well planned. I see no reason to spend a considerable sum to make that 1% rich who is already doing well - Let me not name them - The star hotel owners. So I prefer to spend my money on those who are trying to build something of their own - With the kind of salesmanship I have, I kind of coax my fellow travelers to do just the same.

I can let them pose in front of the ship as if they own it to glam up in social media channels - as long as they let me serve my purpose of travel - explore while we empower small businesses on the way.

It is only recently that I learnt this is called the Minimalist life style. I am not exactly there yet because I still have load of books and CDs stacked but I am getting there.

Less is more now. So much more that I want to use the loudspeaker to tell the world how relieving it is just to walk without a phone, travel without a laptop, switch off the TV and talk to people, letting go off baggage - physical and emotional, associating with friends that add to your bandwidth and not take away your bandwidth with unnecessary ego hassles.

Less space, More Warmth
Less friends, More acquaintances
Less activities, More time
Less worries, More peace
Less work, More money (multiple incomes, multiple careers with what you like to do so it never feels like work)
Less living, More life
Less technology, More Nature
Less Media, More Real time
Less Food, More Health
Less Watching, More Reading

If you know the causes of health anxiety and consequent impact, you will know exactly what I am trying to drive - Lifestyle choices and quality of life.

Write to ramosara.foundation@gmail.com if  you have had major change in your lifestyle choices in the recent past that may inspire others to do some course correction and live better, healthier life.

Last night, at 22:21

I stared at his face book for more than an hour seeing all his photographs, paintings and reading all his earlier comments

I have not spoken to him for years

I have met him in person, a few times

A great guy and his personality – Painter, writer, and restaurateur intrigued many

His witty one liner saved others from blues

Miles away from home, in a different country I first knew about his existence through a common friend when she showed me a gift he had given her - A Bible.

Humane!! 

Last night, she calls me at 22:21 to say he is gone – Just like that.

Early forties, lung infection and a massive heart attack!

His friends are still pouring messages on his timeline. I am reading them and will continue to read them, long after the messages stop and people get on with their lives.

The lonely war most people fight,

Stress

Infection

Depression

Financial crisis

Throttled aspirations

Death of a near one

Negligence

Chronic health issues

Mental Health

Mild addiction

Weak immunity

Lifestyle choices

I seriously do not want to end this blog with sermons, one big take away message or global gyan.

Re-look at your lifestyles. Get out of that predictable flow chart (Over work week and over indulgence weekend) and aggressive pursuits that is leading to a place called "Nowhere"

Take charge. 

Seek help. 

Live!!

It takes a lot of choking to go through timelines at moments like these. More power to the family. More strength to us, who are left behind to deal with these abrupt and irreparable losses.

The Perfect Disconnect

What do we normally see?

The high profile corporate executive and his trophy wife – The wife who quits her job and gets into permanent hibernation mode after the child was born, pops up in social media sites with new pursuits – the Zumba or Salsa, the Spanish or French, the trekking or yoga, the bakery and the embroidery, seriously whatever – How does that matter? I often wondered, how can they hibernate work wise and be so active other wise?

Whether the pursuits are meaningful or meaningless depend on what they do with it –if at all, there is any further thought beyond the two month learning plan? If it is just an experience driven exercise, they should try fishing. This hobby at least enhances concentration, attention and focus. No wonder it is a rich man’s sport because ordinary mortals who work for a living can never have that kind of focus, with our gadgets, our habits, our dependence, our anxiety levels and our lifestyles. 

We also see the working super woman who cooks, helps the kids do their homework, pays the bill, takes care of in-laws and that drunken husband (Ok fine, lets us not get super dramatic here) - The average husband with an average pay who is comfortable to be ambitious based on collective earnings – The typical income – expense mind set, the standard consumerism and the predictable life style.

Biology taught us something important – parasitic and symbiotic life. One is the provider and the other dependent. You do not really need Einstein’s intelligence to figure who is who here in the above cases.

Pause, reflect and ask yourself – what are you?

Then I get a chance to know a near perfect pair in their early fifties. Both are creative, well read, spiritual, loves dogs, solitude, simple life style, miles away from regular job, commuting, travel, social life, face book, living in a mud house, use bits and pieces (infrastructure and experiences) to make that house their home. They both love it.

What we normally don’t see?

That is an alternative living model. A conscious choice

A life that is not full of meaningless pursuits, that does not conform to social norms or people’s expectations

A Beautiful Lake Just Outside The Couple's House

A life that is not marked with travel plans, family gatherings, frequent dine-outs or even raising kids

That Wild Garden , that beautiful art on the wall, those colored pieces on those pillars - that's his work!

A life that is spent reading, sewing, painting, feeding the birds, calling someone to have lunch, visiting an ailing friend, a day in their orchard or just cleaning their own house.

And that's her work - A creative cover page for an Art Journal that she made to gift a child

What a perfect disconnect to stay fully connected with life!!

If you have anything interesting to share on lifestyle choices, do write to us and we will be glad to publish it here.

To know about the author click here

Mindsets: Own it Up

I was in my apartment in Bangalore suburbs, miles away from the city, cozy and comfortable, with neighbors – waiting to cut the cake to welcome New Year and wish each other.

In the other corner of the city something else was going on.

We discussed. We analysed. We blamed. 

Is this due to male chauvinism?

Is this due to low self esteem?

Is this due to identity crisis?

Is this just show of power?

Is this poor upbringing? 

Is it lifestyle choices?

OR 

Is this just failed parental strategy?

How do parents bring up their boys?

They don’t raise them to assault 

They don’t raise them to raise their voices either

They don’t raise them to take stand

They don’t raise them to defend the right

They don’t raise them to own up what they did – good or bad

They don’t tell them about soul intelligence

They don’t build their faith

Do they let ethics, moral standards and values be practiced?

Do they set the right examples?

Do they nurture their esteem or ego?

On my father's death anniversary a couple of months back, my neighbor and her teen age daughter came to our house, after she was back from B-School, around seven in the night. Her mother asked me politely where my father's photograph was placed. I took them to our God's room. The young girl lit an incense stick in front of him and I watched - how she prayed for his blessings - that sincerity was so human, so real, so genuine.

I just happened to mention about dad's death anniversary when we were in the market the previous day as I did not buy chicken. My neighbor remembered that, told her daughter and what followed after that is for everyone to read.

I believe 90% people care. They do everything right. That 10% who don't do it right, make those headlines either for their own actions or for their spiritually distraught children.

Who will own it up? Whose responsibility is it to build that mindset to own up?