Recently during a phone conversation with my cousin, when I asked
him to visit us, he abruptly told he hardly has time to visit relatives because
at times he is working on Sundays too.
His wife is over forty, a graduate and she sings well. That is it.
She never did a job, never tried for one and never wanted to do
one. She felt extremely useful doing the domestic chores, which ideally should
have been outsourced to a maid (to siphon some money from those who have to
those who do not have as much as you do). I think that makes perfect sense.
Why would someone want to graduate if they had no intention of
using it anywhere during their lifetime, not even to teach your own kids? My
cousin’s son has tutors. The lady of the house, as far as I know has one permanent
duty – To take her son on a rickshaw to the tutors and back home (Notice, I
said rickshaw who again gets paid by my cousin’s earnings)
I tried to kindle some spark and some hope because there are so
many online opportunities today for stay at home moms. His wife can easily try
earning from any one of those to ease the pressure on my cousin from being solo
provider. Now my cousin, quick to defend, started nagging about how his wife
also lacks time to engage in something new.
He is 54 and he has no plans of retiring any time soon. He sold
his two storied independent house to buy a flat near the railway station so
that availing local trains become easier to reach his work place. I asked him
why one earth does he want a flat near the station when he is likely to retire
in a few years.
His response kind of shocked me – “I can work till I am seventy”
or something on those lines. Of course one can work till he is ninety however
why would he want to continue the same hardships, hustling in a train. His plan
to travel by local train even when he is seventy is what shocked me.
Key Takeaway: Dinosaur mindsets
End of Scene 1
Eye candy
Brainless trophy wife
Arm candy
Brainless beauties
Look good and stay quite
Who are they?
Do they choose to be that?
Did they ever have personalities of their own?
Could they be professional achievers?
Do they naturally drift towards social causes because they are
genuinely concerned or because that’s easiest route to fame?
Do they have soul searching moments regarding purpose of life?
Did they really sacrifice their careers or are they just not
career material?
Are they just hot, fashionable, trendy and highly insecure about
their twitter and Instagram followers?
Are they highly educated or at least self-assured?
Can she hold her own financially?
Do they make good money?
Could they be in positions of power?
Is it just the bedroom or the boardroom?
Can she have a high paying career?
Do they take up a hobby or two every spring?
Are they docile helpmates or ambitious achievers?
I have known people who talk and write about women empowerment and
yet when the time comes to choose career moves – say a transfer to a new city,
it is the woman who quits her job to facilitate husband’s ambitious transfer.
End of Scene 2
I am labeled a feminist not because I am single or because my
friends, regardless of gender, have always cooked in my apartment. They
qualified to use my kitchen not because of their gender, but because of their
ability to have a full meal ready for a large group.
The label comes because of blogs like these.
I am labeled ambitious because I happily chose to be single and
most people I know believe I chose career to marriage. Yeah Right, that is why I
retired at 42 quitting my job of 11 years without much thought. Independence
matters, nothing else. Confinement does not define me. Suspend judgment and let
choices breathe some air please.
I chose to earn my bread, build my humble abode, travel in a
budget, buy a low end car and live my life. I worked hard for many years to
earn each of these.
And many out there chose to be fed, live in a mansion inherited by
spouse, be trendy and fashionable while rearing kids, learn Salsa and Spanish
while ordering the maid to cook Continental and yet this lot is considered less
ambitious because they chose a life without a career.
How ambitious is it to cross your feet and have food for years
together that someone else earns for you? How ambitious is it to squander money
on shopping and travel using someone’s hard earned income?
Key Takeaway: Brains are the new beauty
and the new gender
The challenge today is not the inherent bias we observe towards
gender but when the woman consciously chooses to take a back seat with a
mindset that sets disastrous examples for the next generation and the man
chooses to defend such a move.
One’s lifestyle choices is a derivative of how you think, what you
think of others who toil for you, how sensitive you are of other’s well-being,
how much importance you give to people’s opinion, your self-esteem and most
important your personal sense of self -worth.
I will leave readers thinking about my cousin who plans to continue working for the next 15 years and the level of stress he is likely to be exposed to in future
And my non ambitious counter part, who choose not to earn or support in this responsibility to provide for family - both financial and non-financially because that decision is deliberate, circumstances manufactured for personal convenience/ defense and absolutely parasitic in nature.
Write to ramosara.foundation@gmail.com about experiences you want to share regarding alternate living to create awareness about lifestyle choices.
Important Update 29th April - One brain stroke on 22nd April and I lost my cousin this week.
